Everything I did until this point was for my resume. Four full-time work experiences. President of the Real Estate Club. Queen of connections. 3.5 GPA. Bam. If that doesn’t stand out to an employer I am not sure what will. I did everything according to “the plan” and received a full-time offer from the company of my dreams (at the time). I turned it down.
You probably think I am crazy. Everyone did. Even I thought I was.
Let me explain how I got to this point.
LIFE OF A WORKAHOLIC — a little about old me
For the past 5 years, these manipulative thoughts controlled my outlook on life.
Coffee. Coffee. Coffee.
Can I reduce the time I sleep…..?
Getting to work before my boss is a priority…. screw going to the gym.
My Inbox has SO MANY unread emails.
When is the last time I cooked myself a nutritious meal?
My clients come first. My needs come second.
I’ve been working for the past 16 hours straight.
When is the last time I ate?
When is the last time I spoke to my boyfriend?
My brain feels foggy. I can’t even formulate a sentence.
Great. The hospital. Again. Maybe I can work from my bed.
I identified these thoughts to be normal.
My mentality was Go Hard or Go Home. I had high expectations for myself. This resulted in overwhelming pressure on my mind and body. Failure to meet my own standards fueled me to push harder. Yet, the more I advanced in my professional career, the less energy I saved for myself. Unable to live in the present, I gave up my social life to focus on building “the most competitive” resume.
Three stress-related visits to the hospital later. I felt the beginning of my demise. My high-stress levels and failure to take care of myself was evidence of workaholic tendencies.
workaholic: A person who is addicted to working, to the point where their life consists only of work and sleep. They have very few friends, if any, and some rarely see their own families.
Workaholics often suffer from fatigue sleeping disorders, stress and stress-related ailments, and some eventually work themselves to death
Source: Urban Dictionary
Who needs a psychic when Urban Dictionary can predict your future. Sleep was rare. My meals comprised 2 for $5 salad bags from Stop and Shop. I slept through most of my workouts. My unhealthy lifestyle hindered my fast-paced rate to success. It took my 3rd hospital visit (kidney stones are a thing when you let yourself go) to acknowledge that this way of life was unsustainable. Though I still took no action to better myself. I returned to work two days later.
# workaholic
Somewhat of a perfectionist, my addiction to working stemmed from my fear of failing to live up to other’s expectations of me. I lived to work.
Let’s fast forward to that dream job opportunity I bailed on.
TIME TO SIGN MY LIFE AWAY — the workaholic’s dream
As a senior in college, I received my first full-time job offer. My future self was ecstatic. If I put my head down for 2–3 years, I’d rise above my peers and be successful. This role checked off all the boxes of “the plan.” Though, I had a gut instinct that something wasn’t right. My thoughts were bouncing around my brain like popcorn in the microwave:
I mean holy shit, isn’t this why I went to school in the first place? You get a great job. You make a lot of money. You work until you’re 65…. maybe retire? The American Dream right? Fuck that. But wait. If I want to become a real estate powerhouse, I should do this. Plus, there are hardly any women in the industry. I would be a great role model.
But I hated my life during all my former internships. I hate working a 9–5. These people are working their asses off yet they can do the same thing for themselves and make MORE money. With a 9–5 I will have no flexibility. My boss will control my existence. How can I change an organization if I am stuck in a role? What if I want to travel to Thailand? What if I need to get my nails done?
I should do it for one year. Put my head down and focus. I will hate whatever I do for the next 1–2 years, I might as well do something that will make me a lot of money and quit. I will negotiate the hell out of my salary. I will fight for what I want. There we have it… I will take it. I will take that damn 9–5. My parents will be proud of me.
Screw it.
I arranged an hour meeting with the CIO and COO to negotiate my offer and accept the role they extended me. 30 minutes before arriving, I declined based on the gut feeling I mentioned earlier. Side note: I didn’t have a backup plan.
So here I am — no post-graduate job and no desire for one. I felt like shit. Not to mention, at the same time my boyfriend and I had just ended our two-year relationship. I was financially and emotionally unstable in what was supposed to be one of the most exciting (and important) times of my life. To make matters worse, my prior experiences jaded me. Committing my life to work seemed daunting. The only viable option was to start my company because at least if I work myself to death it would be on my own terms. The opinions I sought from friends and family reflected social pressures to conform to the typical post-graduate life of a 9–5. This angered me. Every option presented would cause me to be miserable. The future I had long ago predestined for myself seemed unappetizing.
My anxiety levels grew. I remained helpless. I was more fulfilled drinking a nice cold cranberry vodka than I was at work. And yet, this pleasure was short-lived. Though I didn’t realize it, the lack of connection with my identity caused my unhappiness.
I needed to work on myself before I worked for anyone else. But how?
DESPERATE FOR ANSWERS — I needed to know my life plan yesterday.
One of my Facebook friends posted a video called “The Business of Being Happy and Healthy” by Startup Island, an entrepreneurial retreat company for personal and professional development. It intrigued me since I was neither happy nor healthy. The coaches teach people how to become the CEO of their own lives. In college, all I learned was how to be a W2 employee.
Unable to afford the retreat, I spoke with former Startup Islanders to learn about their trip to determine if it was worth investing in. They described it as a “life-changing” experience. Each student gained a sense of empowerment, self-awareness, and clarity. Already convinced, I spoke on the phone with Co-founder, Josh Gershon, and resonated with his self-discovery journey. My instinct said yes but my wallet said HELL NO. But I had to go. I put myself in debt (thank you for your 0% interest credit card @Discover) but for a priceless return on something I have never invested in….. myself. #Fuck it!
I followed my intuition and placed myself in an environment with very VERY large bugs.
THE TRIP OF A LIFETIME I took a week off of school for
I was in the Costa Rican forest with nine other entrepreneurial-minded students. Our days comprised of yoga, meditation, and workshops that encouraged new ways of thinking.
The two impactful moments that exposed me to the concept of pursuing a fulfilling life were:
- A workshop called “The Business of Being Happy and Healthy,” led by Josh and Brian
- My personal coaching session with Co-founder, Brian Helfman
In the “Business of Being Happy and Healthy,” I wrote defining moments, people, places, and things that shaped my present self. “Teaching” and “helping others” were the most prominent words on my paper. This surprised me. I haven’t considered teaching since I was a child. Society told me to seek a finance career to make money. Yet, I served as a teacher figure through leadership roles that allowed me to serve as a mentor to undergraduates. I acted on my need to help individuals, but I never recognized it as part of my identity.
After the workshop, I had my coaching session. Brian helped me identify that societal expectations influenced me to be a green machine, encouraging workaholic tendencies. Sadly enough, I was in a rush to retire so I can enjoy my life. This meant I would be unhappy until my late 20s. Yet, after identifying my desire to help people, Brian mentioned I can marry my passions with my work and pursue a journey that excited me.Woah!!!!!!!! #mind=blown
We walked through the values I would like in a company:
- Entrepreneurial-minded (and passionate) individuals
- Social-impact
- Mission Driven Start-up culture
- Flexible workplace
- Unlimited access to leadership
- Values personal and professional development
- Opportunities for growth above and beyond my role
- A location where I can go on adventures
This was the first time acknowledging values other than money. A wave of clarity came over me–settling the anxiety that dominated my life these past few months. I felt hope.
It was life-changing.
TAKEAWAYS from a recovering workaholic
Source: @repollephotography
I experienced more personal growth in one week than I have in the last five years of my education at Northeastern University. My mindset shift allowed me to find my purpose on earth: helping people. With a better understanding of myself, I can take steps to further develop this passion into a fulfilling career.
These are my takeaways:
- Work for a start-up that matches my values.
- Don’t let societal expectations influence my decision-making.
- Prioritize my mental and physical health.
- Work-life balance is real. Friends would be kind of nice.
- Explore my curiosities. Enjoy learning.
- I am the only person who has control over my life. Take control.
- Practice self-reflection through journaling, meditation and yoga.
- Be present.
Special thanks to Mike, Tova, Dani, Lisa and Austin for their insight and edits.
