I’ll start by stating the obvious; it’s never easy letting go. Whether it’s letting go of a relationship, a habit, or a thought pattern, its just not easy. We are creatures of habit, we get used to talking to the same person every day or doing the same thing every day but that doesn’t mean it’s right or good for us, even if it once was. We get attached to these things because we start to believe they’re part of our identity. We let our identity be defined by the impermanent nature of the things around us. It’s funny how even our identity isn’t consistent, we are ever-changing.
“In the rush to return to normal, use this time to consider which part of normal are worth rushing back to.”
-Dave Hollis
I recently came across this quote which triggered my reflective thought process: what are the relationships, habits, and thoughts that I need to let go of? What is no longer serving my present self?
While sometimes the answer presents itself on a silver platter, other times you have to dig deeper. So, if you would like to know what you need to let go of and why, keep reading.
The process of letting go differs from one person to another, I’m merely speaking from personal experience, what’s working for me, and what could possibly work for you.
Here’s my recipe:
Step 1: 1 cup of “self-awareness and intuition.”
In my journey of letting go, listening to myself has proven to be successful. Self-awareness pushed me to reflect on certain relationships, habits, and thoughts and to consider the impact these were having on my life. A few questions that you could ask yourself would be: Is this relationship/habit/thought serving who I am? Will this serve who I want to be? How do I feel around these people? Do they add value to my life?
I’m a firm believer in intuition. Intuition is like your internal radar. It often detects red flags and tries to warn you about things, even when it doesn’t make sense to your conscious logical brain. Over time, I’ve learned to trust it. If this resonates with you or if you’ve been rewarded by listening to your intuition before, then you’ve seen the power in following your inner wisdom.
Step 2: 3 tablespoons of “what’s the problem and why?”
After understanding what no longer serves you, the next step would be understanding why that needs to be changed. When you do something or talk to someone daily for a long time, it’s easy to fall back into the same old habits simply because we got so used to doing them. Unless we’re aware and convinced of what it is that needs to be changed and why, we risk putting ourselves in the same position where we’re holding ourselves back because we’re too scared to let go.
Let go because you know you deserve better. Let go because it’s not who you want to be. Let go because you know you can be better, and you will.
Step 3: 1 cup and a half of “unwanting and grieving.”
Once you’re convinced of what you need to change, here comes what I think is the most difficult part and what takes the most time for me. Unwanting.
A huge part of why we talk to people who are bad for us or do things that are bad for us is because we simply want to. We enjoy their company, they make us feel a certain way, etc. Unwanting is hard because you constantly have to fight the urge to text them or check up on them; you’re breaking the habit. Unwanting is putting the cons before the pros. Unwanting is about no longer wanting this person or thought to be a part of your life, simply because you know you deserve better.
The unwanting phase is paired with grieving, most commonly in relationships. For me, grievance is accepting that the relationship is part of your past and no longer part of your present or future. That it no longer deserves to take up space in your present life. Grievance is about feeling sad but at the same time grateful because you know what’s best has yet to come. It’s a bittersweet feeling.
Step 4: 2 teaspoons of “letting go” , bake at 350 degrees and become.
Simply let go. Be grateful for the good times, the lessons the bad times taught, and for the space you have in your life for yourself and others. It will feel wrong at first, you’d want to text them, make sure they miss you or remember you but it really doesn’t matter. It’s time you focus on you, how you feel, and who you want to become.
Let go and become.
“When you let go of who you are, you become who you might be.”
-Rumi
Let me know what your recipe is.
